Lost...

At the end of my last post I mentioned how I'm a little confused in life at the moment. There are so many options, and, at moments, I feel like no direction is offered.

This pretty much sums up my feelings on the whole issue.

Now, this post is not to inform you of my sudden inspiration of figuring everything out. It's more of a comfort post for hopefully more than me. I started school this week (one week down!) and I'm in a Doctrine and Covenants 2nd half class. Our first reading assignment was sections 77-81, and I read through them without looking for anything specific. However, I reached section 79 and I started paying a little more attention, and it has helped me out a lot this week; specifically verse 2-3...

"(2) And I will send upon him the Comforter, which shall teach him the truth and the way whither he shall go; (3) And inasmuch as he is faithful, I will crown him again with sheaves."

I wasn't quite sure what being "crowned with sheaves" meant, so I looked it up through the Latter-day Saint website. The first help I came across was in the D&C institute manual;

"Anciently, grain was cut by hand and tied into large bundles or sheaves which were then carried to the place of threshing. To see a person or an animal “laden with many sheaves” ( D&C 75:5 ) was proof that the person had reaped an abundant harvest and would now enjoy the fruits of his labors"

So my interpretation of these verses is this... if we are faithful and doing the best that we can, the Lord is going to comfort us. He is going to provide us with direction, and we will be blessed and "enjoy the fruits of our labors."

I may not know where I'm exactly going in life, but I know that I am going to be faithful to my Heavenly Father. I know that He loves me and will provide me with direction, and although I may have trails I will be able come out on top and enjoy the blessings that will be given to me.

I hope that this post provides a little comfort for you all. We are not alone, and all we need to do is rely on the Lord. 

Change.

Those that know me will already agree with what I'm about to say (especially if your names are Mom or Dad ;) ).

I hate change.

No...not the kind of change that I put in my piggy bank... the kind of change that means you are going to have to do something different in your life. Now I'm not afraid to make little changes in my life; getting up earlier, eating something different, buying clothes, and the list could go on for a while. I hate the kind of changes that are going to alter your life direction.

Here I am doing just fine on my little road of life when this sign shows up. Change? Wait. I don't need to change. This road is going just as it needs to... I don't need to get off that exit. No worries enter my mind until I keep seeing the sign and then I start to understand that change is the only way to go. Denial is usually how I deal with this. What!? I'm not ready to change!! Maybe I'll be okay staying the way I am... I mean, it's gotten me this far hasn't it?? Yeah, that's right. I'm going to be fine on my little road. However, as the miles pass behind I slowly start to realize that change is inevitable. I keep cruising along thinking about how different things are going to be when my worst fears are confirmed.

I really have no choice about this exit and it's coming up too fast for me. Now saying that this is my worst fear is a little over-exaggerated. I know change isn't going to kill me, and I know it's for the best. In fact, while I was coming to the conclusion that change is inevitable I considered everything that will be positive from this experience, how much I will benefit, what I will get to see and who I will get to meet. Logically, I can understand why I want the change and I'm almost okay with it until I almost reach the turning point.

Okay. This is really happening. This... this is really happening. There's no way I can stall now and I'm pretty sure that I am not going to be able to handle this. Breaking point begins. I'm usually a mess and I can't keep myself under control and I hate it. Remember the part about being able to think through all the positive things logically? Yeah, pretty much I feel like that part of my brain decides to malfunction.

I take the exit and lots of new things bombard me and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. However, pretty soon I start to get the hang of things and I'm okay with the changes. In fact, I even start to enjoy them.

Now, I'm writing this post right before the start of a new semester, new roommates, new apartment, new classes, and me not even being sure where I am in life right now. Do I want to change my major? Go to a different school? Country? Let's be honest. I have no idea, and I don't plan on figuring it out right now. But I know those change signs are going to come up in my life and right now I'm ready for them. Right before the exit...not so much, that whole malfunctioning will kick back in and I'll be a wreck. However, it's for my own good...right?